Smart money management for Everyone
Why I No Longer Feel Guilty About Investing in Myself (and You Shouldn't Either)
It’s month-end. Bills are piled like laundry waiting to be folded. School fees are staring you down. That relative needing a ‘small something’ just called. And then… you see it. That online course you’ve been eyeing. That new pair of proper running shoes because your knees are complaining. Maybe it’s even just booking that extra hour at the salon for yourself, not for a wedding. Your finger hovers over the "Pay Now" button... and then the wave hits. That heavy, familiar feeling. Guilt. Loud and clear: "Who do you think you are? Is this really necessary? Think of everyone else!"
Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. For years, pouring anything, time, money, energy – into myself felt like stealing from the family pot. Like I was being selfish, neglecting my duties. But friends, let me tell you something I finally learned the hard way, it isn't just a personal win, it’s the key to actually showing up better for everyone and everything I care about. It’s not selfishness; it’s survival, and eventually, thriving. This isn't about flashy cars or designer bags (unless that’s your genuine need!), it’s about fueling the engine that drives your whole life.
Where Does This Guilt Even Come From? (... It's Not Just You)
This guilt doesn't just pop up from nowhere. It’s woven deep, especially in our African context. Think about it:
The Collective First: Our strength is our community, our family, our "we before me" spirit. It’s beautiful, powerful. But sometimes, it gets twisted. Taking something solely for you can feel like a betrayal of that unity. Like you're pulling resources away from the whole.
The Hustle is Real: Many of us grew up seeing parents and grandparents grind relentlessly, sacrificing everything for the next generation. Investing in their own pleasure or growth? Unthinkable. That model becomes our subconscious blueprint. Self-sacrifice = love.
"Chop Life" vs. "Invest in Life": There’s often a subtle (or not-so-subtle) judgment. Spending on a big party? "Ah, he knows how to chop life!" Spending on a coding bootcamp? "Eh… is that one necessary? What work will it give you now?" Investing in tangible, immediate enjoyment is sometimes more culturally understood than investing in intangible future potential or personal well-being.
The "Enough" Trap: You have a roof? Food? Clothes? Then why ask for more? Why spend on "extras" for yourself? The baseline survival becomes the ceiling, and aspiring beyond it feels... greedy.
It’s a potent mix, isn't it? This guilt feels almost patriotic, dutiful. But here’s the crack in that logic...
Reframing the Narrative: Self-Investment Isn't Spending, It's Planting
Think of yourself as a farmer. (Bear with me!). You have a precious piece of land – that’s you. Your energy, your skills, your health, your mind. Now, if you only ever harvest from that land, season after season, without ever putting anything back – no fertilizer, no water during drought, no rest for the soil – what happens? The land becomes barren. Exhausted. It stops producing. It can’t feed you, let alone anyone else.
Investing in yourself is that fertilizer. It's that deep watering. It's letting the field lie fallow for a season to recover. It’s not taking away from the harvest destined for others; it’s ensuring there is a harvest next season, and the season after that. Bigger, better harvests.
Skilling Up: That course? It’s not just knowledge; it’s sharper tools. Sharper tools mean you can build better things, solve harder problems, command better pay. That extra income doesn't just benefit you; it flows into your household, supports extended family, creates opportunities. Take that digital marketing course everyone thought was a waste. Land a remote job paying dollars (well, good enough, better or equivalent!). Which now supports your mum’s business expansion. That is return on investment!
Health is Wealth (Literally): Those running shoes? That gym membership? That check-up you keep postponing? Skipping them isn't saving money; it’s gambling with your most valuable asset. A study showed workers with access to basic preventative healthcare had 27% fewer sick days and reported higher productivity. When your body and mind are strong, you have more energy for work, for family, for life. You’re less of a burden in the long run. Preventing illness is always cheaper (and less stressful) than treating it.
Mental Space Matters: That hour reading a book, meditating, or just sitting quietly with a cup of tea? It’s not laziness. It’s recalibrating your overloaded brain. Burnout is real, Research found chronic workplace stress significantly reduced decision-making abilities and increased errors. Investing in mental rest makes you sharper, more patient, more resilient. You become a better parent, partner, colleague – a more present human being.
Where Can You Actually "Invest"? (Beyond Money!)
Do we agree it’s necessary. Okay ... but the guilt flares up because we often think only of money. Investment comes in many currencies:
Time: This is often the hardest to "spend" on yourself. Blocking out 30 minutes a day for learning, exercise, or pure relaxation. Saying "no" to an extra commitment that drains you. Guarding your time fiercely is a massive investment.
Energy: Choosing activities that replenish you (a walk, talking to a good friend, a hobby) instead of those that only deplete you (mindless scrolling, toxic interactions). Protecting your peace is an investment.
Money (Yes, it still counts!): But strategically:
Skills & Knowledge: Courses, workshops, books, certifications relevant to your goals.
Health: Quality food (when possible), preventative healthcare, comfortable shoes/clothes for work, a good mattress.
Well-being: That occasional massage, therapy session (highly undervalued!), or even just a relaxing activity you enjoy.
Tools: A reliable phone/laptop if your work depends on it, efficient apps (like Bear Financials – more on that soon!), software that saves you hours.
Mindset: Investing in shifting your perspective. Reading inspiring stories, affirmations (yes, really!), surrounding yourself with positive people who support growth. This costs little but pays huge dividends.
You know that feeling when you’re trying to manage everything – bills, savings, family needs, and maybe, just maybe, something for yourself? It feels like juggling razorblades blindfolded. This is where something like Bear Financials comes in. Forget complex spreadsheets or fancy finance talk that makes your head spin.
Think of it as your personal money helper. Not just tracking where your cash went yesterday (though it does that, simply!), but helping you plan for where you want it to go tomorrow. Want to finally save for that course? Bear Financials helps you see where small changes can add up. Need to set aside a tiny bit each month for your "well-being fund"? It makes it visual and achievable. It takes the overwhelming fog out of managing your finances, so you can see clearly how investing in yourself fits into the bigger picture without jeopardizing your responsibilities. It’s about clarity and control, not complexity. That peace of mind? Priceless investment right there.
Practical Steps
Knowing why is half the battle. Actually doing it without the guilt gnawing at you? That's the other half. Try these:
Start Small & Specific: Don't try to overhaul your life. Pick ONE tiny investment. "I will spend 15 minutes three times this week learning X." "I will save 500 daily towards new work shoes." Small wins build confidence.
Tie it to a Bigger "Why": How will this investment help you serve others better? "This course will help me get a promotion, meaning I can better support my kids' education." "Getting fit means I'll have more energy to play with my grandchildren." Connect the dots.
Reframe the Language: Stop saying "I'm spending on myself." Start saying "I'm investing in my ability to provide," "I'm investing in my long-term health," "I'm investing in my peace so I can be more patient."
Schedule It: Treat your self-investment time/money like a non-negotiable bill. Put it in your calendar, automate the savings if possible. Protect it fiercely.
Track the Returns: Notice the differences. Did that online tutorial help you fix something and save money? Did that walk improve your mood? Did protecting your quiet time make you less irritable? Acknowledge the positive outcomes – it reinforces the value.
Find Your Tribe: Surround yourself with people who get it. Even one friend who understands the struggle and celebrates your self-investment wins makes a huge difference. Share your goals!
FAQs:
Isn't investing in myself selfish when others depend on me?
Absolutely not! Think of the airplane oxygen mask rule: you must put on your own mask first before helping others. If you collapse from lack of oxygen, you can't help anyone. Investing in your skills, health, and well-being makes you stronger, more capable, and more resilient. You become better equipped to support those who depend on you, for longer and more effectively. It's sustainable support, not selfishness.I barely make ends meet! How can I possibly afford to "invest"?
This is where mindset and small steps are crucial. Investment isn't always about big money:Time: Free online resources (YouTube tutorials, free library apps like Libby for audiobooks/ebooks), waking up 30 mins earlier for quiet time or exercise.
Energy: Swapping a draining activity (like excessive gossip) for a replenishing one (listening to music, calling a positive friend).
Money: Literally start with coins. Save 50 or 100 daily in a "self-investment" jar. Explore free community health screenings. Pack a healthy lunch instead of buying street food once a week and save the difference. Use tools like Bear Financials to find those small amounts you can redirect without pain. It all adds up.
What if my family or friends don't understand and think I'm being extravagant?
This is tough, but common. You don't necessarily need their permission, but communication helps:Reframe for Them: Explain why you're doing it in terms they might value. "This course could lead to a better job/business." "This check-up ensures I stay healthy to work/take care of everyone."
Show, Don't Just Tell: Let them see the positive results – your improved mood, your new skill in action, your increased energy. Actions speak volumes.
Set Gentle Boundaries: "I understand you might not see it this way, but this is really important for my well-being/my ability to contribute more." You don't have to justify every small decision. Protect your peace.
Your Growth is the Greatest Contribution
That heavy cloak of guilt? You can take it off. It never served you well anyway. Why I no longer feel guilty about investing in myself boils down to this profound truth: You are not a bottomless resource to be drained. You are the source. The wellspring. And like any source, you need replenishment to keep flowing.
Investing in your skills sharpens your tools for building a better future for yourself and your circle. Investing in your health ensures you’re present and strong for the long haul. Investing in your peace makes you a calmer, kinder, more effective human being. These aren't indulgences; they are the essential maintenance and upgrades required for the complex, demanding machine that is you.
It’s not about neglecting others; it’s about ensuring you can be there for others, fully and sustainably, without burning out or resenting the very people you love. That course, those shoes, that hour of quiet, that check-up, that helpful app like Bear Financials – these aren't expenses subtracted from your loved ones. They are investments multiplied back into your entire world.
Start small. Be intentional. Reframe the narrative. Watch that tiny seed of self-investment grow. You’ll be amazed at the harvest, not just for you, but for everyone whose life you touch. You deserve it, and frankly, the world needs you at your best. Go on, invest. Guilt-free. Your future self (and everyone around you) will thank you for it.
