Smart money management for Everyone
Prisons of Public Perception
You’re at a family gathering, and Auntie is giving you that look. The one that says, “So, when are you going to get a real car?” Or you’re scrolling through your friends’ posts online, new baby pictures, a shiny new living room set, a vacation at the beach, and that little voice in your head starts whispering. Why isn’t my life like that? What are they thinking about my old sofa?
That voice, that pressure, that weight on your shoulders… that’s not just in your head. It’s a real force, a set of invisible bars keeping you from making the choices that are truly best for you and your family. It’s one of the most powerful and least talked-about obstacles to building a good life.
It’s the unspoken rule that you have to have a big wedding, even if it drowns you in debt. It’s the urge to buy the latest phone, not because you need it, but because you’re afraid of looking behind. It’s the reason you might say “yes” to an outing you can’t afford, just to avoid the side-eye.
What Exactly Are These "Walls" Made Of?
Nobody wakes up and decides to be a prisoner to other people's opinions. It happens slowly, brick by brick. These bricks are laid by well-meaning family, friends, our culture, and even those clever ads that seem to know exactly what we’re insecure about.
Think about it:
The "Success" Brick: The idea that a successful man is the one who drives a certain car or lives in a certain neighbourhood. Never mind if the car payments are eating half his salary.
The "Generosity" Brick: You’re expected to contribute heavily to every fundraiser, wedding, and funeral. Saying "I can only afford this much" feels like admitting failure, even when it’s the smartest move.
The "Keeping Up" Brick: Your neighbour gets a new TV. Your cousin builds a new house. Suddenly, your perfectly good TV feels tiny, and your comfortable home feels cramped. This isn’t coincidence; it’s a trap.
These aren't just ideas. Scientists have a name for it: social comparison theory. We’re wired to look at others to evaluate our own lives. But in a world of social media highlight reels, we’re constantly comparing our behind-the-scenes struggles to everyone else’s greatest hits. It’s a race where nobody wins and everyone is exhausted.
How This Prison Costs You
What’s the real harm? the harm is deep. This prison doesn't just hurt your feelings; it empties your pocket and stresses your spirit.
The Debt Sentence: This is the big one. How many loans are taken, not for a business or a crucial need, but for a ceremony? How many maxed-out credit cards are just trying to project an image of "making it"? The interest alone is a life sentence of anxiety.
The Dream Sentence: Ever put a personal goal on hold because you were worried about what people would say? Maybe you want to switch to a trade skill instead of a white-collar job, or start a small business selling homemade snacks. But the fear of "What will they think if I fail?" or "Is this job 'good enough'?" can be enough to kill a beautiful dream before it even starts.
The Anxiety Sentence: Living a lie is exhausting. Constantly performing, pretending your finances are better than they are, and hiding your struggles… it isolates you. You start to feel like you’re the only one not keeping up, which just pushes you to spend more to keep the act alive. It’s a brutal cycle.
I once knew a guy, he had a good job, but he was stretched thin supporting his extended family, a totally normal expectation. But then, his childhood friends started getting promoted. Their social media feeds were all designer clothes and fancy dinners. He felt he was falling behind. So, he took a loan to buy a luxury watch and started footing the bill for group outings he couldn’t afford. For a few months, he felt like a king.
But then the loan statements came. The stress made him sick, he couldn’t sleep, and he eventually had to confess to his wife. The temporary high of "looking good" wasn't worth the year of financial struggle that followed. He wasn’t irresponsible; he was in a prison built by perception.
Your Toolkit for a Jailbreak
You’re probably thinking, "This is easier said than done. How do I actually break free?" You’re right. It’s a process, not a single moment. But here are your tools.
1. The Master Key: Define Your Own "Wealth"
Wealth isn’t just a number in a bank account. What does it mean for you? Is it being able to pay your child’s school fees without panic? Is it having the freedom to visit your parents every month? Is it the peace of mind that comes from knowing your bills are covered? Write it down. Get specific. When you have your own definition, other people’s definitions lose their power.
2. Practice the Polite "No" (Without the Long Story)
You don’t owe everyone an explanation for your financial decisions. A simple, "I’m so sorry, that’s not in my plan for this month" is enough. If they press, you can smile and say, "I’m sticking to my budget, but I appreciate the invitation!" Most people will respect you for it. The ones who get offended? Well, that says more about them than you.
3. Curate Your Circle and Your Feed
You become like the people you spend the most time with. If your friends are only focused on material things, it’s going to be a constant uphill battle. Seek out people who value substance, conversation, community, real connection. And on top of that, unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate. Your social media feed should inspire you, not make you anxious. This isn’t being rude; it’s protecting your peace.
4. Celebrate the "Invisible" Wins
Did you just pay off a stubborn debt? Transfer a chunk of money into your savings? Resist the urge to buy something pointless? CELEBRATE THAT! Tell your partner or a trusted friend. These are the real victories. The car will rust, the clothes will go out of style, but the security of a savings account? That freedom lasts forever.
You May Ask ...
But won't people think I'm poor or stingy if I start saying no to things?
Let’s flip that. Do you truly respect people only for their spending? Probably not. You respect them for their character, their honesty, their reliability. By being true to your means, you’re building a reputation as a person of integrity. The right people will see that and respect you more, not less. The opinions of those who only value your wallet weren’t worth having anyway.
My family expectations are the biggest pressure. How do I handle that?
Family is tricky because the ties are so deep. The best approach is often open communication, but on your terms. Instead of saying "I can't contribute," try framing it around a bigger goal. "Mother, I really want to help with this event. Right now, I'm saving for [nephew's school books / a house down payment], so I can contribute X amount." You’re showing responsibility, not refusal. It’s hard for them to argue with a plan.
This all sounds lonely. Isn't community and sharing part of our culture?
Absolutely! And it’s a beautiful part. This isn’t about abandoning community; it’s about saving it from being corrupted by showmanship. Real community is about helping each other genuinely, not competitively. It’s about pooling resources for a real need, not for show. By breaking free from the perception prison, you can engage in your community more authentically, giving what you truly can without resentment, which is a much greater gift.
Your Freedom Awaits
At the end of the day, the public perception are built with a mirror, not bricks. We’re often our own worst jailers, locking ourselves up based on what we think everyone else is thinking. The most liberating truth you’ll ever learn is that most people are far too busy worrying about their own prison to be focused on yours.
The journey to financial peace isn’t just about counting coins; it’s about reclaiming your mind. It’s about swapping the exhausting anxiety of "what will they say" for the powerful calm of "I know my plan." It’s trading a flashy car for a good night's sleep. It’s choosing a smaller, truly joyful celebration over a large, debt-filled spectacle.
The door to that prison isn’t even locked. You’ve had the key all along. It starts with one decision. One polite "no." One transfer to savings instead of a pointless purchase. One deep breath where you choose your family’s future over a fleeting moment of praise.
