Are you just existing or truly living?

That Sunday evening dread. The alarm clock is set, the week’s lunch is packed in the fridge, and you’re already counting down the minutes until next Friday. You’re working hard, sure. You’re paying the bills, mostly. But something’s missing. There’s a quiet hum in the back of your mind asking, “Is this really it?”

We get so tangled up in the daily hustle, worrying about the next bill, the rising cost of bread, the unexpected expenses that we forget what we’re hustling for. We’re so focused on existing that we forget how to live.

What Does “Live, Not Exist” Actually Mean ?

When you hear “live, not exist,” it might sound like one of those motivational phrases people share online while sipping a cocktail on a beach. But for most of us, that beach is miles away, both literally and figuratively.

So, let’s break it down without the dictionary.

• Existing is on autopilot. It’s a routine of obligations: wake up, work, come home, sleep, repeat. Your money comes in and goes right back out to faceless entities, the landlord, the supermarket, the utility company. You’re reacting to life. Your financial decisions are made from a place of fear and scarcity. “I can’t afford that.” “What if something breaks?” It’s a survival loop.

• Living, on the other hand, is intentional. It’s about being the driver of your own life. Your money becomes a tool for creating experiences, security, and joy. It’s about making choices that align with what you truly value. It’s saying “yes” to the things that matter and a confident “no” to the things that don’t, not because you’re broke, but because you’re purposeful.

Think of it like this: existing is covering your ears during a loud storm, just waiting for it to pass. Living is learning to dance in the rain.

Money is a Tool, Not a Trophy

This is the biggest mindset shift. We often see money as an end goal. The big paycheck. The fat bank account. We think that once we “have enough,” then we can start living.

But that’s backwards. That’s like a carpenter staring at his hammer, waiting for it to build a chair on its own. The hammer is useless without a plan.

Your money is the same. Its value isn’t in the numbers on a screen; its value is in what it does for you. Any money you earn is a tiny employee. The question is, what are you sending your employees out to do? Are they all working 24/7 just to fight your bills? Or are some of them building a future for you?

When you start seeing your money as a tool for building your life, everything changes. That extra 50 isn’t just “extra money”, it’s a choice. It could be:

• An employee working to future-proof your life (savings).

• An employee working to generate more employees (investment).

• An employee working to bring your family joy this weekend (an experience).

You’re the boss. You give the orders.

Align Your Spending With Your Version of “Living”

It starts with getting brutally honest about where your money is going right now.

For one month, I challenge you to track every single penny you spend. And I mean everything. That bag of groundnuts from the street vendor, the mobile data top-up, the “small-small” money you sent to your cousin. Don’t judge it, just record it.

At the end of the month, sit down with that list. Now, here’s the crucial part: categorize your spending not by “food” or “transport,” but by “existing” vs. “living.”

• Existing Expenses: These are your non-negotiables for survival. Rent, basic food, utilities, essential transport. We can’t eliminate these, but we can often optimize them.

• Living Expenses: These are the things that add genuine value and joy to your life. This is where you find your truth. Maybe it’s the money you spent on data to video call your parents back in the village. That’s living. Maybe it’s the savings you painstakingly put into your child’s education fund. That’s living. Maybe it’s the occasional outing with friends that lifts your spirit for a week. That’s living.

You might also find a third category: leaks. Money spent on things that didn’t add any value to your existence or your life. Impulse buys, fees you could have avoided, subscriptions you never use.

The goal isn’t to slash all “living” expenses. The goal is to minimize the existing and the leaks so you can maximize the living. It’s about making conscious choices. Cutting that unused subscription isn’t about deprivation; it’s about firing a lazy employee so you can hire one that will actually build the life you want.

Building a Budget With a Soul

Most budgets fail because they feel like a prison. They’re all about restrictions: “don’t spend here, can’t spend there.” No wonder we break them!

But a budget based on the principle of the function of being human is to live, not to exist is different. It’s a freedom plan.

Start with your “Big Why.” Why do you want to get a handle on your money?

• Is it so you can quit that second job and have time to coach your son’s football team?

• Is it to build a small room for your mother so she can live with you?

• Is it to take that course that will finally get you a promotion?

• Is it to simply sleep through the night without anxiety waking you up?

Your “Why” is the engine. Your budget is just the map.

Once you have that “Why” crystal clear, allocating your money becomes an act of empowerment. Putting money into savings isn’t a chore; it’s “paying your future self” so you can have peace of mind. Saying no to an expensive night out isn’t a loss; it’s a “yes” to your goal of visiting your family during the holidays.

You’re not restricting yourself; you’re choosing your priorities. And that feels powerful.

Case Studies

Let’s move from theory to practice. Let’s look at two real-world examples

Ama, the Market Trader
Ama sold fabrics and worked 12-hour days, six days a week. She was “existing,” constantly stressed about market fees and competing with others. Her money was chaotic. She started tracking and found she was spending a lot on expensive bottled water daily and frequently replacing cheap, broken umbrellas for her stall.

Her “Why”? She wanted to work one less day a week to rest and go to church.

Her “Living” plan? She invested in a high-quality, reusable water bottle and a sturdy, permanent awning for her stall. These small upfront costs (using her “tool” money strategically) saved her so much in the long run that within four months, she could afford to close her stall on Mondays without her income dropping. She traded leaking money for lasting peace.

Chike, the Junior Accountant:
Chike had a “good job” but felt trapped. His entire salary was eaten by his flashy apartment rent, fuel for his long commute, and maintaining a lifestyle to “keep up appearances.” He was exhausted.

His “Why”? To save enough to quit and start his own small consultancy, working from a smaller apartment closer to home.

His “Living” plan? He made the “shameful” move to a smaller, more affordable place in a less trendy area. He started using ride-sharing apps some days to save on fuel and car maintenance. His friends joked about his “old” phone. But within a year, he had enough saved to leave his job. He now earns less, but his life is his own. He traded existing for others to living for himself.

You May Ask ...

This sounds good, but my income is just too small to even think about “living.” I’m just trying to survive.
This is the most common and valid concern. The idea isn’t to ignore your survival needs. It’s to start exactly where you are. “Living” doesn’t have to cost money. Your first “living” expense might be allocating 30 minutes of your time, not your cash, to read a book or call a friend. The goal is to find the smallest possible way to introduce intention. Maybe it’s saving just 500 a week in a locked box. That act itself, making a choice for your future self, is a step from existence into life. It’s about progress, not perfection.

Isn’t this selfish? My family depends on me for everything.
Not at all. In fact, it’s the opposite. When you live a life of pure existence, filled with stress and anxiety, what energy do you have left to give to your family? You’re running on empty. By aligning your money with your values, you create more stability and less stress for everyone. Securing your own future is securing theirs. Choosing to spend quality time with them over working overtime to buy them more toys is a powerful gift. It shows them what you truly value: them.

What if my “Why” is something really big, like buying a house? Won’t that take forever?
Every big goal is achieved through a series of small, consistent steps. The size of the goal doesn’t matter as much as the system you create. Break that big, scary goal down into the smallest possible pieces. “Buy a house” becomes “save for the deposit.” Which becomes “save X amount this year.” Which becomes “save X amount this month.” Which becomes “set aside X amount from every paycheck.” Now, every time you make a conscious spending choice, you’re not denying yourself; you’re putting another brick in the wall of your future home. You’re building your dream, one coin at a time.

At the end of the day

Life is not a dress rehearsal. We get one shot at this. The daily grind, the bills, the responsibilities, they’re all part of it, but they were never meant to be the whole of it.

We are the authors of our own stories. Your financial journey isn’t about arriving at a destination of ultimate wealth. It’s about using the resources you have to design a life that feels rich in meaning, connection, and joy.

It’s about moving from a life of reaction to a life of intention. From fear to freedom. From just existing to truly, fully living.

So, what’s your first chapter going to be?